It really pays to read that's why I'm sticking to it and make it as a habit. LOL
Home Grown by Toni Tiu
For Yahoo! Southeast Asia
The grass may not always be greener on the other side; who knows, they might all be weeds.
There are two ways to take that statement. It’s either your sour-graping or putting yourself in the perspective of appreciating what you have now. I prefer the latter.
Most of the time I’m pretty much content with what I have. I am thankful for my blessings. I appreciate my good health. There are times though that I get sucked into the misery of wishing I had more, of wishing there was something else that could make my life more fulfilling.
This vortex of misery and perhaps petty jealousy usually kicks in when I’m stressed out at work. I think about my batch mates who are now full-time mothers, who can afford to retire early and take care of their children. I think about my contemporaries and rave about how bravely they’ve gone freelance, or who are now the big bosses of their own agencies. I am amazed at their success and respect them very much for it. I wonder if I would have ended up at the same places they did if I made different decisions in life.
Is it so bad to compare lives? Is it so bad to wish you were living better? I think it’s normal to feel this way. What’s important is that you pull yourself out of the misery before it sucks you in even deeper. A bout of sadness can evolve into bitterness, and that is not exactly healthy.
What do you do when the melancholy hits? Do you just wallow in misery as it will disappear over time anyway? Here are some things I do to pull myself out of the “Keeping up with the Joneses” trance:
Reflecting on the Desiderata. Some lines from the Desiderata go, “If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession the changing fortunes of time.” I go back to those lines when I find myself comparing my life with my peers and start getting insecure.
I try to remind myself that I am in the position where I am because of decisions I’ve made and because of the opportunities that have come my way. The main headline here is: Quit comparing! That usually jolts me out of my tentative gloom.
Saying a gratitude prayer. When I remember the beautiful blessings I have now, my perspective changes easily. Here’s my favorite example – the perils of a working mother. I hate it when I have an evening meeting. I hate it when meetings happen on weekends. I hate it when I am sifting through data when I know could be reading with my baby. The distress comes and goes, but I try to manage it by shifting perspectives. I am thankful I have a job that helps pay for my son’s needs. I am thankful that my services are valued by other people. I am thankful that I am able to use my skills and talents to help fuel my baby’s future. Shifting perspectives is easier said than done. When successfully done though, my day doesn’t seem as heavy as I had originally perceived it to be.
Talking to a friend. It helps to talk about your emotions with a trusted friend. They would often listen well, and then put you in your place. When I’m having the “Why am I here? Why am I not there yet?” blues, I give my best friend a call. She’s a great listener, but also very frank. After I rant, she often reminds me of the good things I’ve got going for me. Sometimes we’re so blinded by our emotions that we lose sight of the things that anchor us. I’m glad my best friend helps clear the fog.
Perhaps the other side is really greener. Or maybe the other side isn’t as green as you think it is. Whatever perspective you take, remember this: your side may not be that bad at all. Appreciate your own greens. Be content. Be thankful. Why play in someone else’s garden when you’ve got a great one of your own?
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